For those interested..
An intimate little side project for anyone who’s interested:
(Oh well, this is going to be difficult… It’s been such a long time and yet I can’t think of the words to say.)
I am sorry?!
I didn’t expect to ever write this but here we are now, aren’t we?
This shall be my last post for this blog – for this website – for this thing-a-magik that it had become for me.
Ah, I have now been staring at this blinking cursor for a long time now, typing stuff and then deleting it right after. I am afraid I might shed a tear or two.
I would have liked this story to have had a happy ending but then as most good literature suggests: tragic endings have their own charm. If nothing else, this certainly leaves a more poignant after taste.
In the last month I have questioned and re-questioned a lot of my life decisions and I have come to the conclusion that it’s time to move on.
I think my interests have always been inclined towards the other nuances that this world offers and perhaps my talents, that is if I have any (and to be honest I have heavily doubted the existence of it, especially of lately), can be better used in such arenas.
Is this a typical grapes are sour narrative? I don’t think so but I wouldn’t blame you if you accused me of it. The goal to create a better nation still stands strong. Indeed it’s even more strengthened now. I think only the route will now be a lot more different.
I had this long conversation with my brother the other day and as he was questioning me on the thinking behind the choices that I have made in the last few years, a realization sprung to the forefronts: that although there was and is a desire about the now earlier pursuit: it’s not what the heart and the mind truly wants.
I have been kidding myself. And maybe you too. Or maybe this entire exercise is an over analysis of an unfortunate situation.
One thing however I can tell you for sure: my ambitions are calling me towards something else entirely.
What is it? I’ll let you know when the time comes along. As of now, I only hope you will be just as much a part of the new ventures as you have been of this, even more actively so.
This has been an interesting journey. Only yesterday I found my self looking for synonyms to the word interesting and there exist a lot of them and knowing those I still think the apt word for this journey would perhaps be interesting (It is also entirely possible that I really like that word ‘interesting’ but let’s just ignore that for the moment).
What I am essentially trying to say is thank you! Thank you for reading and sometimes even participating in these self-indulgent pieces that I had the arrogance to claim as writings. I started this blog as an anonymous venture and yet to know that there were some folks who liked reading it was quite heartening.
I am not sure as to where the future shall take me. We all rarely are ever sure. I, particularly, am at one of the most critical inflection points of my life. This might seem frightening and yes, there is some sense of a fear of failure no doubt, but this is also all incredibly exciting.
There are so many opportunities. So much to do and so little time to do all of that. I’m all fired up and looking forward to the upcoming days.
You out there! This was fun while it lasted, wasn’t it?
The world is open. Go play.
Thank you for everything. Have a great life and good bye!
To all who are in a similar journey,
I hope we share more of our pursuits together till the successful final results.
All the very best!
So you must be thinking. “This bloke has no idea of what he is doing. He is wallying his time. Not thinking about any consequences. It all seems to be a bucket full of rubbish. And I haven’t even got started yet.”
And I will tell you. Well, you don’t have to be that direct about it! I am trying to get things done.
Okay, possibly the wrong statement.
I will be trying to get the things done: all of them as I mentioned.
A little while ago, the motorcycle’s horn went bananas. Only we were thinking it was the car. Three thirty in the night or shall I say morning, groggy as a vampire is during the day, and the horn decides it’s time for the Armageddon or something. I get it. I will look up the spelling a little later. (Edit: I did)
It had most certainly been one of the loudest sounds (correction noise) I had ever heard. I literally had perspiration on my face just listening to it.
A little later, only with the inputs given by the fifth victim of the cacophony did we realize that the horn that had gone bonkers was of the motorcycle and not of the car. I believe it must have been because of the rains. A little bit of water at the wrong place and the entire house can be awoken into a nightmare.
This is supposed to work at me subconscious, isn’t it?
I will like to see how. I am going to be meta about it. Or will be later as I frantically type the words to reach the 750 target.
My fingers hurt. I haven’t even used them that much for a while and still here they are hurting at the first sign of quick movement or call. Rustiness is in me being right now.
This is not good.
Let it be known that the 20th of July, 2016 has been a day of renaissance.
As have been so many of the days in the last five fucking years.
Today I shall finish reading all about the environment come fucking what may. I will get my 33 percent questions right based on the efforts of today and tomorrow.
I am done thinking of the ifs and the buts and then repeating the same bloody mistake over and over and over and over and over and…
Fuck the fucking it.
I have realized that there isn’t much to things. There is this thing that you want and based on that there is the thing that you need to do to get what you want. And if you do do the thing that you need to do to get what you want, then more often than not you do get the thing that you want.
The only trouble comes when you don’t do the things that you need to do to get what you want and instead do the things that you want right now and thus get the things that you will get if you do the things that you want right now.
And then you feel sorry about the fact that you didn’t get the thing that you wanted.
Yes, fucking Einstein, aren’t you?
I have Earl grey tea in my system. And my stomach is gurgling. I think I may have overdone on the tea and the coffee there. A little while ago I was almost closed to sleeping and I think I should have slept. I would have probably gotten up in the morning with a clear head and a new calendar to look forward to.
Instead, I am here writing this telling you that I have Earl grey tea in my system in addition to lots of coffee. Essentially, this is my caffeine talking.
No, this is my brain talking intoxicated with caffeine.
So, how do you do?
Matashree is back from Ladakh.
I got a prayer bowl, a wolf looking hat and a pashmina stole or a muffler as you may please. And everyone got apricots: a bounty from which I have happily munched away a few.
They were oh so delicious!
I think I may now have to make a small confession. In addition to all that caffeine, I also have apricots in my system.
So this is my brain talking on caffeine and apricots.
A friend of my dad’s got us khakras. I am hungry. I generally am this early in the morning or as some may call it this late in the night. I am also terribly lazy to actually cook myself something. I am thus, highly tempted to have that khakra but then the after taste of the tea and the apricots will be tampered with. Oh no, I can’t have that!
Also, I am not too sure of how my brain will behave when given a concoction of caffeine, apricots, water (which I am certainly going to drink a glass of after I finish writing this) and khakra.
Maybe it will all be too much. Maybe it already is. Maybe it simply is the lack of sleep.
Pretend you are seeing the following in a comic book action style:
“He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
And I could never tell as a kid
What that window door went to
Only told to stay away
I almost had an accident, age 6
When I found the key in the attic
And now the smell of these wood frames
Is the only sense I’ve left
So as you pull me from the bed
Tell me I look stunning and cadaverous
And since you are my friend
I would ask that you lower me down slow
And tell the man in the black cloak
He doesn’t need to trouble his good soul
With those Latin conjugations
And if it’s all the same to them
You should tell your gathering friends
Please not to purse their faces grim
On such a lovely Sunday
Don’t fix my smile, life is long enough
We will put this flesh into the ground again [x6]